Powered by LiveJournal.com
You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
26th January 2011
Wake up young man, it's time to wake up :
Your love affair has got to go
For 10 long years, for 10 long years
The leaves to rake up
Slow suicide's no way to go, oh
Blue, clouded grey
You're not a crack up
Dizzy and weakened by the haze
So an infection not a phase
The cracks and lines from where you gave up
They make an easy man to read, oh
For all the times you let them bleed you
For a little peace from God you plead, and beg
For a little peace from God you plead
Ahhaahh, Yeah, Ahhaahh, Yeah, Ahhaahh, Yeah
Wake up young man, wake up, wake up
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
Wake up young man, it's time to wake up
Your love affair has got to go, yeah
For 10 long years, for 10 long years,
The leaves to rake up
Slow suicide's no way to go, oh
Slow suicide's no way to go
Wake up, wake up, wake up
Wake up, wake up, wake up
21st April 2010
shows the world up with a smile then throws the fight
Looks to me like heaven sent
No lullaby kid no 5%
Any way you want to cut that cake
She's dyin' from the likes of abandonment
Lost in the valley without my horses
She need somebody to hold
It looks to me like heaven
Sent this for your roughest night
She looks to me
She looks to me all right
Who's going to take you home
And hold you when things aren't so bright
She looks to me
She looks to me all right
It's a long walk down those tracks
It's a dirty walk in
It's a dirty walk back
Gonna learn awe way too much
Shootin' dope in the back
Of a cadillac jack
Slow down the road to my back 40
She needs somebody to hold
Down in the south seas
Give me your mouth please
Is the way I find these
I give you major
You give me minor
Don't fade away
Like an ocean liner
Lost in the valley
Without my horses
No one can tell me
What my remorse is
God made this lady
That stands before me
She need somebody to hold
She shows the world up with a smile
And then she throws the fight
She looks to me she looks to me
Down on the bathroom floor
She's searching for another light
She looks to me she looks to me
17th September 2007
whoa it's been a while
i ventured back over from myspace today. i felt like writing, and myspace doesn't really feel like the place where i can get some of my thoughts out. i guess no matter where life takes you, :
we always feel safe where we started out.
(good segway, if i do say so...)
this time of year is always a difficult for me, and every year it just feels harder and harder to jump over the hurtle of the seasons changing, i don't really know why. memories from my childhood have been popping up in my head. my mind starts to wander and the places it's been ending up have been...nostalgic. there have been a few memories that have popped up that i haven't thought of in YEARS. this one of my dad taking me and my sister to the "spaceship playground" down hyland blvd. it really was a couple of baseball fields and a park, and the center of the park had this giant slide in the shape of a shuttle, made out of metal tubing...and now that i think about it, it probably wasn't that safe for a 5 to 7 year old to be climbing on....but anyway, my dad would bring me and my sister there, and let us ride our bikes with training wheels up and down this ramp thing. i actually only remember going a handfull of times, i remember we wanted to go all the time, and we couldn't go that much for some reason, it made the times we did go really special.
i just remember being happy...i was a kid, on a bike, with training wheels, at the playground with my family....and thats all that mattered back then.
for a second i got so mad at my subconscious for even holding on to that memory, it made me miss being a kid so bad. i missed being taken care of, i just wanted a taste of innocence again, just for a second.
never the less, my mind spat off into hundreds of directions, remembering how my parents were back then, how my sister was, when my brother was born...holidays....my cousins, my aunts....
everyones getting older.
maybe thats why the fall is hard for me, theres a sadness that comes with the end of summer, and a call to face the next season.
school i'm sure is having some sort of weird role in my emo-ness. it's forcing me to think about where i see myself within the next 5 years. i've never thought that far ahead before. it's weird.
i am happy with my life now tho, and i AM excited about getting older, i want to make a life for myself thats worth living, and who knows someday maybe i can relive my childhood thru my own kids.
ha. adams gunna like reading that....
but ain't that a thought.
i'm going to definitely take them pumpkin picking.
14th November 2006
well, i got some sort of email from LJ - a "nudge" of somesort, so i guess someone out there is looking for me to post. :
not sure who or why, my life has pretty much been low key over the past...err..14 weeks or so as LJ put it.
i've been working, as usual, and went back to school. i start the nursing program in jan. excited about tat.
been pretty much taking things day by day. it's the only way to get thru it all. taking things slow. tho time is relative and as slow as i'm taking things i feel like life is rushing me along.
adam and i are doing ok. he's doing well at his job, i'm happy he's doing something he loves. as for me, i'm not sure what i want to do, but i have direction. which i guess is something that's changed recently. it's nice to have direction. it defineatly makes things easier to deal with.
i've been listening to this new artist/band whatever you want to call him, Prospect. you can check him out at myspace.com/prospect
oh that's another thing, i kinda, i guess you can say, abandoned LJ for myspace. not sure why. but i spend more time on there. you can check out my myspace if you want it's myspace.com/whale_and_wasps
as far as battling old deamons, i've gotten better, a lot better. i'm not as depressed anymore, i have my moments, but they are alot eaiser to get thru these days.
anyway, whoever nudged me, i thank you for your interest...and i invite any LJ friends who have myspaces to add me over there too :)
26th July 2006
i deleted my last post. i woke up this morning, and i did feel a LITTLE better than i did last night. and the post would only make things worse. i appreciate your kind words. and your right. Douchbaggery defineatly lightened things up a bit. :
love you all. :)
13th June 2006
ok, so i havn't been on LJ in a REALLY long time, but WTF- ADVERTISMENTS?!?! how do i get them off my journal? this ain't Myspace yo!
19th April 2006
mmmm...got home from work and there's a yummy burrito waiting for me from El Meson :D :
look what my sister made me
13th April 2006
so I just got home from school, no work today...AND NO WORK TOMORROW!! WOOHOO!!! my office is open and people are working, BUT NOT ME!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH i worked my boss to get the day off, i'm evil hehehe. but it's great, i've been waiting for this all week, I plan on sitting around, and doing NOTHING. i'm doing the laundry and straightening up now so tomorrow i won't have to worry about it. it's kinda hard getting motivated right now to do it tho, maybe it's cause i just smoked a bowl, and threw my californication cd. i havn't listened to chili peppers in FOREVER, i kinda dig that new song on the radio, i can't think of the name of it right now, but it's pretty good. :
anyway, i'm pretty beat, i've been going non-stop now for about 3 weeks, and for some reason i haven't been eating that much, probably because i've literally been SO consumed with shit i have to do, that i really don't have time to think about eating. My diet has pretty much been a bagel on the morning on the way into work, and a red bull for lunch, and for dinner if i'm home early enough to eat a meal, it's been pizza or chinese food. Today tho I had the BOMB breakfast at brookdale...for $3.95 you get two eggs, two pieces of toast, potatoes and juice. and it's GOOD, it totally hit the spot this morning. I defineatly felt more awake and alert all morning, which was good for class.
But i must say on weekends, we've been staying at our friends house just outside of Trenton, and we eat GOOD. they have the best places to eat out there and into PA. the best part is it's been mostly free for me and adam cause adams new job covers most of it. well i think Ricky and Mark take care of most of it, or, i don't really, all i know is the shit's free for me, and free food is GOOD FOOD. but seriously, i really have a good time out there, we're always doing something, or eating. but i defineatly need a break to decompress...
i love this cd
i guess i should do that shit it's getting late.
6th April 2006
dude, i'm so fuckin mad. aside from me just spending a half hour trying to get my journal layout fixed so i can post (somehow, or someONE, changed all the colors of the text boxes and shit so it was all fucked up, but don't worry i changed my password, so who ever did that your beat now), but i just got home from school, and my schedual is SO fucked up. :
I don't know if i mentioned it, but Brookdale decided to change the open enrollment date for the summer sessions to a week earlier to make it eaiser for kids who don't go to the school to take classes there. Fine, that's very thoughtful of Brookdale. But what Brookdale didn't really care about were the sudents who ALREADY FUCKIN GO THERE, and who are ON WAITING LISTS to get into nursing programs. Yeah, SCREW THEM, it's only 2% of thier student body right!? but that comes out to about 80 kids who now can't get into MicroBiology (me being one of them) cause the classes are full.. not to mention the HUNDREDS of other kids who wanted other science courses for whatever thier majors are.
The most FUCKED UP part of this is, that i went to my guidence councelor today to see what my options are (which are basically nil anyway), and she told me that the president of the school decided to make the change, because HIS SON was one of the outside students that wanted to enroll while he was on his spring break and home from school. The PRESIDENT OF THE SCHOOL told the board of trusties this during a meeting last week, and my councelor said she's been telling every student she can, so enough of us can complain and get the president, i dunno, in trouble i guess...i can't really see us get him fired or anything....but she said i should go to the Board of Trusties, those are the only people above the president.
Dude, it just blows, cause now i'm stuck taking this other course which i wanted to take in the fall b/c of my work schedual, and who wants to spend every saturday during the summer at school (plus mon and wensday nights 6-10pm)? The course is 100% mandatory attendance too, so it's just an added pressure.
my only other option is to go to another county college for the Micro - but it's just so much of an inconvience, i have to get credits transfered, and spend countless hours on the phone with schools, and admission people, GOD I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT. i should have just finished school the first time around, before Brookdale made all these changes to the ciriculim, i'd be working in a fucking hospital by now.
the only hope at this point is wait out the next week and a half before my registration date for fall, and hope the the Science Division at brookdale get me into an open seat - they said there's chance they can get me in b/c they added an extra 40 seats to the open sessions. I've made it a point to go into the office every week since this has happened pleading my case. I don't know, i'm just praying this shit works out, i can't handle all this uncertainty.
its not just school...there a lot of shit at work going haywire, plus theres the money thing cause we're trying to save, and i'm tired as shit, i haven't gotten a break in like 3 weeks, working weekends running around. i'm so fucking run down it's rediculous. The only thing i look forward to is comming home at night wait for adam to get home (which is 8pm now cause of his new job) spend our little time together, smoke a bowl and go to sleep.
i know things will work out, they always seem to work themselves out, but the time before that happends fucking blows. Oh, FYI - i got a 96% on my lab practicle, and an 84% on my exam. Go me :)
alright, i'm done venting. later O_o
16th March 2006
it kinda sucks that on my one random day off where i don't have work cause it's a thursday, and class is off for spring break, that i spend it doing chores. I mean yeah, i guess i don't HAVE to, but saturday i have two appointments in the morning, and then me and Adam are going to the city with Foreman and Melissa, and i want to have clean clothes and shit. And then sunday i don't think we have anything planned, but i really just want to spend it relaxing. Cause then next saturday we're going to a Blue Sky show in Trenton. And that sunday we're going back into the city for my great aunt's 80th birthday. so it's pretty cool i like having stuff planned it gives me something to look forward to, but the preparation for shit is so daunting. :
i guess i better get started. i got a dr's appointment at 245.
god this sucks.
3rd March 2006
To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.
taken from Dreammoods.com
2nd March 2006
i got a 91 on my lab people! i'm starting to feel like i can actually do this. i'm pretty excited. that doesn't happen often lol. :
i do feel like a shit tho, i've only been at work this week like one day. Tuesday i left early for a meeting at school. Then wensday i went in, but left because the night before i was sooo sick to my stomach, with HORRIBLE pain. So i talked to my boss about it and he said i should just go to the emergency room. thank god adam went with me, well I knew he would, but i hate going to the ER, so i was happy he was with me. Anyway, they did some tests, xrays and stuff and then shot me up with some Dilaudid. Now You wanna talk about being fucked up? MY GOD! that shit was awsome. i was in la la land for what felt like days, and we were only there for like 2 and a half hours. I felt bad cause adam couldn't get any of it, but god it was good. The beginning was scary tho, the Nurse had worned me that about a minute after she injected it that i would feel pressure in my chest and then it would spred throught the rest of me, she didn't said it would be as bad as it was. It was frekin scary, it felt like someone was CRUSHING my heart and i couldn't move my lungs to take a breath. i don't know how those addicts do it, i wouldn't be able to take it. anyway, By the time we left it had wore off, probably cause when they asked me how bad i felt on a scale from 1 to 10, i only said a 7-8, oh well, i was def. grateful anyway.
hey guess what, on march 10th adam and i will have known eachother for 5 years. i can't say it's our 'anniversary' cause we never really started dating on any particular day, but thats the day we went to see a Perfect Circle together. we had only known eachother for a few weeks, and we found out we both had tickets for the same show, so we decided to go together. The rest is history. ahhhh :::stares romantically at the screen:::::
anyway....it's voting night on american idol!! who do you thinks going home? I think that Crooner kid is DEFINEATLY getting booted!
23rd February 2006
ahh, so i took my exam this morning - first one for the semester - and i'm crossing my fingers for a 70 or higher. A 70 atleast. Pray for me. :
I know for sure i got one of the essay's wrong, i realized it after the test, that instead of writing the mechanisms for Short term regulation of blood pressure, i explained long term. 9 points right there - BOOM! GONE! then i know the other 9 pointer, i got half cause i don't think i was specific enough. It is just the first one of the semester, but from what i hear, the other two test are the hardest of the entire course. i've heard nightmare stories of the endorcrine system test. lord, i can barely get through the basic courses here, how the F am i gunna get through the actual Nursing program.
anyway, i went to Target to get a shower curtain - ended up not finding one cause they were all ugly, and spent another 84$ on cleaning supplies and crap for my dad's B-day dinner on saturday. I'm having my fam. over my house so i wanted to make it look all pretty :D
yeah other than that, nothing going on. it's sad that i look forward to watching American Idol, thats the most excitement i get during the day.
well not true, adam and i just had the BEST weekend at atlantic city, it was totally fun, had good food, didn't win big, but didn't loose big either, so i guess thats a good thing, i got all dressed up...it was def. a good time.
ergh...it's time for me to go back to school, i have my Lab test at 1:30, that i should do pretty well on, but wish me luck anyway
good bye my dears
/*****later edit: I GOT AN 89 BIATCH!!!!1!!1111!!!
2nd February 2006
ok all you physiology phreeks...there's an exhibit going on in Philly that is too cool: : http://www.fi.edu/bodyworlds/index.html
yeah i'm obsessed with it. cool thing is that its going on until April. Its at the Franklin Institute, i went there when i was young, i remember it being pretty fun. The hard part now is talking adam in to going, he's not the fan of the medical grim and grousome, but hopefully he'll go for me :) my sister will probably want to check it out too :oD
speaking of day trips. adam and i are going to AC for the weekend of the 18th, for a little Valentine's Day get-a-way. We're staying at the Trop again, thier Spa i soo nice, and we're gunna try the Wellington's restaurant that is supposed to be pretty good. Not much is going on tho, the only show we might go see is a comedy show, Richard Jenni, not one of my favorites, but it's a show.
um...other than that, sitting in the B'dale library again, waiting for my lab to start. I tried changing it today, but all the morning sections are closed. so i'm stuck with a shitty schedual. but whatever
my dad is comming over tonight to pick up the car insurance money, and he's bringing dinner so that'll be nice i guess
mmm...someone's wearing really pretty perfume.
27th January 2006
this is the most addictive thing ever - I can't seem to break 12 seconds, but adam got up to 20, and someone on his friends page had like 200 seconds or something...see how good you are, click here: : http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html
19th January 2006
sooo, i'm wasting time at school right now, this will probably be a regular occurance cause i have 2 1/2 hours to kill btwn lecture and lab, and it's pointless to drive home and waste gas to sit on the couch for 45 mins. It's kind of good tho, because i have time to take care of shit if i need to. Like today i was able to call my dentist and request a prescription to be called in to the pharmacy cause my teeth are killing me. I just hope i get it, they are supposed to be calling me back, but the thing is my dentist wasn't in today, so there's a chance who ever's there will say no, and i have to wait for mine to be in. I would love to veg out on some perc's tonight, or some vic's whatever. But with my luck, i'm not getting my hopes up. :
My insurance company also sent me some psychiatrist's names in the mail who are in my area. I just havn't gotten up the balls to acutally call...i know it would be in my best interest if i did, but i just feel stupid saying, Hi, my names alyssa, and i'm a obsessive compulsive, withdrawn, probably manic depressive psycho who doens't want to go through therapy, just give me a pill to swallow myself away.
whatever some days are better than others, i'm just tired of being on the rollarcoaster.
the lecture this morning was rough. It's a 2 hour and 50 min long class. we get a 10 mins break in btwn, but it sucks. It's cool tho cause some of the people that i studied with for lab are in my lecture, so thats a plus.
speaking of which, it's about time for me to pop into the bookstore again, they were out of lab manuals, and were getting them in around 1pm, i have to go snatch one up before they're all gone. But first, going to check my voicemail for my dentist, wish me luck :/
6th January 2006
my sister got adam the Matisyahu CD for christmas. I frekin love it. The only thing i don't like is that he's all over EVERY music station, radio, and late night talk show. I don't think that many songs from the album will make it on the radio to get played out, that one thats all over the place now seems like the most 'radio friendly' either way, i think it's awsome. my favorite song is Aish Tamid..i'll post the lyrics in a minute, the song is hott.
| You scored as Biology. You should be a Biology major! You are passionate about the sciences, and you enjoy studying cell growth and evolutionary concepts which enable living organisms to survive. Pursue that!|
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com
4th January 2006
Your Social Dysfunction:
You display social deficits and oddities of thinking. Your perception and communication are similar to those of a schizophrenic.
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.
30th December 2005